New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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