does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
