I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
