Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
