He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize