He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
