were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize