So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
