i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize