she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
