wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
