I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
