He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
