Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
