new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
