Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
