He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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