guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
