there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
