did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
