Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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