Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
