I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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