I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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