i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
