my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
