it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
