Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
