the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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