while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
