ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize