when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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