I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
