batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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