I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize