Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
