just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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