Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize