bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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