Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
