During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
