I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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