Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
