Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
