I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
