No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
