By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
