how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
