moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
