i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
