kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
