Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
