hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
