I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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