This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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