know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize