just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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