First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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