I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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