Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
