just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
