God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
