he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
