Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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