She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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