tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In America we eat man semen.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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