it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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