yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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