Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
