Non-Jews are for practice
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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