Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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