Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
