i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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