i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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