Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I could have mohawked her pubes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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