just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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