I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize