textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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