Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
