well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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