just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
