I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
