so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
