My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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