The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
