since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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