i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
