Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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