He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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