I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
