How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
