TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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