i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There r osticjed everywhere
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
