please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
