if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
