evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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