we have officially lost it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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